Sunday, April 20, 2014

Easter Sunday, 2014

Finally, finally I am standing on the threshold of ordination.  The pathway has been exceedingly long and difficult.  I am exhausted.  I have learned by many failures and humiliations that there is nothing I can do by myself.  It is  now four years since God called me and I answered, "Yes, Lord."  I have prayed to give up my own will and learn to obey God's will for me.  I thought I would be annihilated.  I was terrified, and had to beg the Holy Spirit to help me even want to give up my self-will.  Over time, my prayer was answered.    With a huge leap into the arms of Jesus I trusted I would be caught and held and kept safe.  And so I was.  And so I am.

          "Now the green grass riseth from the buried grain,                  
          Wheat that in dark earth many days has lain;
          Love lives again, that with the dead has been;
          Love is come again, Like wheat that springeth green."
                                           (French M.S., in The Oxford Book of Carols)

I am coming to life again, growing up new through the matted and dead grass of my previous life.  I am more myself than ever before.